That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
19 People Confess The Worst Things They Have Been Accused Of
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse