Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
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with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
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i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove