yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
25 Times Terrible Advice Was Given To A Teenager
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.