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• (845): View more from New York

  If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.

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• (407): View more from Florida

  i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"

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• (208): View more from Idaho

  U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"

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• (304): View more from West Virginia

  I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight

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  25 People Confess The Most Awkward Situation They’ve Ever Been In

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• (678): View more from Georgia

  You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"

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• (509): View more from Washington

  you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.

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• (850): View more from Florida

  There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.

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• (845): View more from New York

  You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.

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• (763): View more from Minnesota

  I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.

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• 

  These Are 21 Of The Most Delusional People Ever

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• (+61): View more from Australia

  Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.

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• (316): View more from Kansas

  You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"

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• (978): View more from Massachusetts

  I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.

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• (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program

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• (773): View more from Illinois

  There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.

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• (773): View more from Illinois

  Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.

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