you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
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