if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.