Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
