you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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