her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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