ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
