2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
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I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
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Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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