Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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