I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
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