a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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