He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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