Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
