i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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