dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
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