i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
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