I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
