this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
you had me at cake vodka
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
