went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I need water and some morals
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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