So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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