You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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