I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
