Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize
