ugly people sure do ruin things
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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