i barfeds in our rink
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
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