No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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