Well apparently he's into motor boating.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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