does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Sorry my hands just texted you
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
