what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
