you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
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