I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
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