OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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