you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Randomize
