nut hugger
I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
