Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
