I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
