He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
