i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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