It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
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