Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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