That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
