Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
