Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
