I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize