yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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