What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
