That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
