you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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