He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Randomize
