I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
