i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Please don't give away my fajitas
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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