Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
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