Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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