Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
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