something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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