i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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