I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
