it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
