I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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