We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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