just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
