I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
