Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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