theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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