you traded sex for a burrito?
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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