my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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