the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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