craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
