i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
