i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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