One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
