Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
