In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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