When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
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