you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize