Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
